Never Lie, The Cookie Does
by Winter Oak
Summary: It is ObiWan's birthday and some friends gather for a small party. Little did they know that with a little help from Yoda, some innocent little fortune cookies would cause complete chaos throughout the apartment and ruin everything. COMPLETE
1. Not a Party Without Food!

Chapter 1: Not A Party Without Food

"Anakin, slow down or else you'll choke."

With his mouth still stuffed with food, the young padawan grinned foolishly at the older jedi.

"Ith's yuhmmy. Thry sohm mahster."

"No thank you Anakin. And please don't talk with food in your mouth," Obi-Wan instructed. Placing the tips of his fingers together, Obi-Wan leaned forward in his chair and gazed at Anakin with a raised eyebrow. "What happened to all those numerous lessons on etiquette that I taught you? Anakin—"

"I try master," the teenage boy replied as he swallowed the food.

"I'm sure you do Anakin," sighed Obi-Wan as he leaned back in his chair.

Suddenly Anakin started choking on the drumstick -or whatever food he was chewing on. Obi-Wan glanced at his padawan and rolled his eyes.

"I told you."

"Um..."

Obi-Wan and Anakin both glanced up at the jedi staring curiously at them.

"Are you two okay?" Mace Windu inquired.

"Hehe... Yeah, we're great."

It was Obi-Wan's birthday and the jedi had invited a small number of close jedi friends to celebrate with at the apartment he shared with Anakin. The guest chattered politely to one another and the dinner seemed to be going on fine until-

Knock. Knock.

"Must be more food," Anakin cried joyfully even though he was choking a few seconds earlier. "I'll go get it."

The jedi excused himself and trotted over to the door.

"I think we have enough food Anakin," Obi-Wan said as Anakin returned with another box of pizza to add to the already full table.

Knock. Knock.

"Anakin, how much food did you order?" Obi-Wan inquired curiously as he furrowed his brow.

"Um... Not too much master."

Knock. Knock.

Obi-Wan rose from his chair and said, "I'll go get it."

"No, it's okay," shouted Anakin as he rushed toward the door.

"But-"

"Just stay there and relax, master."

Anakin opened the door and was faced with a crowd full of shouting delivery people.

"Your 10 meter sub sir!"

"Here is the sushi you ordered!"

"I have your fish heads!"

The delivery people yelled angrily as they continued to shove each other, trying to reach Anakin first.

"One at a time," Anakin ordered.

"I was here before you!" A delivery person hollered, punching the nearest person.

"Fish heads!"

Punching and kicking, the delivery people were causing quite a commotion in the jedi temple. Soon food was being tossed through the air as the delivery people engaged in battle.

"Hey, we still have to eat that!" Anakin yelled angrily.

A jedi passing by stared open mouthed at the raging crowd grouped around Obi-Wan's door.

"Anakin are you alright?" Obi-Wan called from inside.

"Yes master," the boy shouted back as a fish head was flung into his face.


	2. Fortune Cookies!

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars

* * *

Chapter 2: Fortune Cookie

"That was a nice dinner," commented a jedi. "But it seems to be getting late. I think we all should-"

"Wait, we can't end the party yet!" Cried Mace.

"Yes, eat fortune cookie first we must," ordered Yoda.

Obi-Wan was surprised to find a pile of fortune cookies placed on the middle of the table.

"Those must have come with the Chinese food, right Anakin?"

His padawan groaned as he clutched his stomach.

"I told you not to eat all that food," Obi-Wan reminded the boy. "Let that be a lesson to you next time."

"But food is good," protested the young boy.

"Yes, food is good as long as you do not eat too much," Obi-Wan said. "And I don't think those rotten fish heads helped too much either."

"The delivery man said it was fresh," argued Anakin.

Obi-Wan sighed.

"If I told you toilet water was delicious, would you believe me?"

Anakin instantly shot up from his chair. "What! Toilet water is delicious? Why didn't you tell me that before master? And to think I was drinking nasty fountain water all these years when I had the good old toilet. I must go to the bathroom and try-"

"No, Anakin, I was just giving an example."

"Oh..."

Obi-Wan groaned and placed his head in his hands.

"Why me?"

The jedi then glanced up as Master Yoda placed a fortune cookie in front of him.

"It's all right Master Yoda, I don't want-"

"Eat the fortune cookie you must!"  
"It's okay. Really."

"No!" The jedi master bellowed, pounding on the table. "Your destiny, it is! Get the fortune you must!"

"But I don't believe in-"

"Just do it Obi-Wan," advised one of the other jedi from across the table.

Sighing, Obi-Wan broke the cookie in half and fished out the piece of paper.

"See? It's unreliable," the jedi said after reading the slip of paper. "It says, 'You will find that you have lost a huge amount of credits'. No thief would dare steal from a jedi."

Anakin suddenly started coughing uncontrollably when he heard this.

_Guess like I should have asked before using all of master's credits to pay for the food. Ooops._

"Master Windu, let's see what your fortune cookie will say."

The jedi master blushed bright red as he opened his fortune.

"Well?" Asked a curious jedi.

"Nothing. All rubbish," he replied uneasily and hid the slip behind his back. "Heheheheee..."

A few jedi exchanged mischievous glances and pounced on the jedi master.

"Ah! Get off! No, it's my piece of paper. I'll sue you all!"

Quickly snatching the slip of paper from Mace's hand, a blond haired jedi read out the fortune written on the slip of paper.

"Oh... 'You will find happiness with a new love.' How cute!"

The whole table burst out laughing, however Yoda looked disapprovingly at Mace.

"Cute it is not. Broken the Jedi Code, you have."

"I do not love anyone!" Cried the other Jedi.

Silence fell over the room as everyone watched the two jedi masters argue with one another.

"Need help, you do."

"No, I don't," snapped Mace, his face growing redder.

"Never lie, the cookie does."

"Well it's wrong! W-R-O-N-G!" Growled Master Windu. "Do you need me to spell it again?"

Yoda gasped and collected the cookie pieces into his small hands.

"Insult the all mighty cookies, you cannot," scolded the jedi.

"Argh!"

To be continued...

* * *


	3. Cookie Never Lies

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars.

* * *

Chapter 2: Cookie Never Lies 

"For the last time, I do not love anyone!" Mace cried while shaking his fist at the tiny jedi master. He watched with satisfaction as Yoda fell off his seat with eyes as wide as tennis balls.

"Taken by dark side you have," Yoda cried hysterically, pointing a stubby finger at the baffled jedi.

Frantically thinking of a solution to end the argument between the two respected jedi masters, Obi-Wan tried distracting them by asking Anakin to read his fortune.

"Oh! See fortune of Chosen One we will," Yoda cried gleefully, completely forgetting about his dispute with Mace. He watched tentatively, eyes never leaving Anakin, as Obi-Wan handed his student a fortune cookie.

Anakin groaned, still clutching his upset stomach.

"Do I have to?"

"Have fortune told you will."

"We could see the future," a jedi pointed out suddenly. "Do we really need to rely on these cookies?"

Yoda turned and glared at the jedi.

"All powerful the cookie is! Muddled and stupid your mind seems."  
Anakin pushed the cookie away.

"I don't need a stinking cookie to tell me my future."

"Too sure, you are! Eat it you must!" Yoda ordered. "Unless muddled and stupid your mind is too."

Anakin stiffened.

_No one can tell me that I am muddled and stupid._

Glaring at the cookie, Anakin snatched it up and found the slip of paper.

"You- you cookie, I'm not afraid of you!"

Boldly unfolding the slip Anakin read the message.

"What! 'Muddled and stupid your mind is'," Anakin read in shock. "Stupid cookie! What do you know?"

Obi-Wan hid his smile as Anakin tore the fortune into little bits and started ferociously stamping on them. After that, the young padawan drew out his lightsaber and started slicing the tiny slips of paper into even smaller bits, until it appeared that it would take at least a billion years to put them all back together -not that anyone would bother trying.

"Then again, maybe some of the nonsense is correct," laughed Obi-Wan, causing Anakin to glare at the jedi's direction.

Turning back to the fragments of the slip of paper, Anakin swept them into his hand and lighted them on fire.

"Mwahaha! That is what happens to people and things that insult the Chosen One," the boy laughed. "Burn you horrible pieces of paper. Burn."

All right, now it would take more than a billion years to put the pieces back together- actually I don't think it could be done anymore.

Suddenly the young padawan turned to Obi-Wan with a evil gleam in his eye. "You have insulted the Chosen One too. Now you shall end up like the cookie." Smiling maliciously, Anakin drew out a blow torch from under his chair and began to chase Obi-Wan around the room.

"Now Anakin, you don't want to do this do you?" Obi-Wan cried as he leapt over the table. "I mean, am I not like a father to you?"

Ignoring Anakin and Obi-Wan, Yoda reached forward and grabbed a cookie from the plate.

"My turn, I think it is."

Everyone on the table leaned forward eagerly as they waited to hear Master Yoda's fortune told. Even Anakin stopped his chase to listen to what the cookie had to say.

"Mmm..." Yoda cleared his voice and read out to the whole room, "Sweet voice you have; sing for us you will."

Everyone's mouth fell open.

"See? Never lies, the cookie does."

"You have no need to sing for us Master Yoda," a jedi said quickly.

Everyone else agreed immediately.

"Yeah, you need to save your voice for um..."

"For the council meeting tomorrow," cried another jedi.

"Yeah," Mace agreed. "The council just um, loves -cough, cough- listening to your voice all day."

Yoda looked at Mace with narrowed eyes. "No council meeting tomorrow, we have."

Mace looked completely dumbfounded.

"Your mind, love has muddled," Yoda said bluntly, causing Mace to blush tomato red.

Thinking quickly, the jedi cried, "There has been a change of plans. There _will_ be a meeting tomorrow."

The council members in the room groaned.

_The council members won't be impressed with having another meeting, _Mace thought while shaking his head._ They are going to kill me. _

"Not notified, I was," Yoda mused.

"We were going to tell you but-"

"Nevertheless, obey the all powerful cookie, I will," Yoda said firmly. "Sweet voice, I have. Sing for you, I will."

All the jedi panicked and began screaming in protest. However, the short creature clambered onto the dinner table and started hollering -um... I mean singing- at the top of his magnificent voice.

"Lalalalalala!"

* * *

To be continued...

* * *

Author's Note: I got the idea for the story while I was eating a fortune cookie. Actually, the fortune I got was the same as Yoda's but I worded it differently because it would have been strange to have Yoda using proper grammar. 


	4. Party is Over

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars.

* * *

Chapter 3: Party Is Over

Everyone watched with their mouths rudely hanging open as Yoda jumped elegantly off the dinner table after he had finished his song.

"Sing well, I do," he mused with a satisfied smile on his face. "Opinions, I want to hear."

Everyone shifted uncomfortably and an eerie silence settled over the room.

Ears drooping slightly, Yoda questioned, "Like my singing, you do not?"

"Um..." The jedi stared guiltily at the tiled floor, not daring to meet Yoda's piercing eyes.

"Well?" Asked Yoda. He turned to face Anakin who was currently hiding behind his master. "Want to hear thoughts from Chosen One, I do."

All eyes in the room turned to focus on the young boy who had dropped the blow torch in horror during the song and had taken refuge behind his master.

"It was horri- I mean wonderful," lied Anakin, tightly gripping onto Obi-Wan's robes. "Yes, an extremely -cough, cough- great performance."

Yoda's face lit up and sighs of relief were heard throughout the room.

"Oh! Okay!" Yoda smiled gleefully. "Sing again, I will."

After hearing this, the guests immediately bolted off their chairs and scrambled to leave. Apparently, hearing the song once was enough for the jedi. Briskly gathering their belongings, they all rushed past a protesting Yoda and started heading toward the door of the apartment.

"Hehe... Well I guess we should all get going now. It was a wonderful party-"

"No! Still fortunes, we have," Yoda bawled, pointing at the pile of cookies in the middle of the table. "Finish this, we will."

All the jedi who had not had a cookie yet backed away fearfully. Huddled together in a corner of Obi-Wan's kitchen, they all eyed Yoda with apprehension.

"No, it's okay," they shouted.

"No! Eat this you will!"

"No we will not."

"Fortune you will get!" Shrieked Master Yoda, causing several windows to shatter.

Obi-Wan stepped forward to protest. "Please Master Yoda, these are my guests and-"

"No," the old master cried, stamping his feet like a little child. "Jedi master, I am. Get what I want, I will."

"You leave us with no choice," a jedi stated as she walked forward with her lightsaber.

"Do this, you can't!" Yoda shouted indignantly. "Jedi master, I am."

"No, I'm not intending to battle you Master Yoda."

The green jedi master blinked in confusion at the younger jedi before him.

"My strategy is... Run!"

Moving quickly, the jedi brought her lightsaber down on the cookies, sending them scattering across the room. In the process, she also sliced Obi-Wan's table into two even pieces.

"I think this party is over," she mumbled as she clicked off the lightsaber and ran for the door.

"No!" Yoda wailed, collapsing onto his knees. "My precious cookies. They're all gone... Noooooooo!"

Obi-Wan stared dumbfounded at his kitchen. Splintered pieces of wood, food, broken glasses and plates were littered all over the his once clean floor. He had only wanted a small quiet party with his closest friends and look at what it had turned out to be.

"Sorry Obi-Wan," a jedi said as he sped out the door.

"Yeah, it was either your kitchen or us."

"Have a happy birthday!" Added another.

"May all your wished come true."

"I hope you could buy a new table soon."

"Bye!" They all shouted and bolted out the apartment.

Obi-Wan stood in the middle of the room still staring in shock at what was once his table. Kneeling, he picked up a fragment and examined it sadly.

Forgetting that he was suppose to be chasing Obi-Wan with a blow torch, Anakin kneeled down beside the jedi and placed a placating hand on his master's shoulder.

"It's all right master," Anakin said gently. "Even though I normally work with machinery, I'm sure I would be able to fix your table."

Frowning, the boy picked up a piece of wood and examined it carefully.

"Now, where are the wires for this thing?"

"Ahhh!"

Crash!

Dropping the puzzling piece of wood behind, Anakin sprang to his feet in alarm. Following Obi-Wan, they both rushed outside to see all the other jedi sprawled on the floor. It appeared that they had all slipped on the fish heads and the numerous other foods littered all over the hallway.

Obi-Wan appeared completely horrified at the mess that laid in front of him.

"Uh, yeah, I forgot to mention the delivery people had a food fight out here," laughed Anakin nervously. "I guess we'll have to clean this up as well?"

To be continued...


	5. Race to Riches

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars.

* * *

Chapter 5: Race to Riches

Obi-Wan stared wide eyed at all the jedi lying sprawled on the floor in front of him.

"Are you all- Ah!"

Accidentally stepping on a slice of pizza, Obi-Wan slipped and landed on a box with a satisfying 'crunch'.

"Oh no master!" Cried Anakin in horror.

"It's okay Anakin, I'm just fine."

"No, you just landed on your birthday cake," Anakin stated flatly.

Obi-Wan groaned and drew out the flattened cardboard box from underneath him. The box had collapsed under Obi-Wan's weight and the contents were probably in no better shape.

_I was actually wondering where the cake was, _he thought as he examined the dessert. It no longer looked like any cake Obi-Wan had ever seen, with the cream smeared all over the inside of the box and entire structure crumbled.

Obi-Wan sighed.

"Why me?"

"Oh well Obi-Wan," a female jedi giggled softly as she struggled to get off the floor. "At least you'll remember this birthday."

"Yes, Siri," agreed Obi-Wan. "Unfortunately, I will be remembering this for a very, very long time."

Staring sadly at the cake on his lap, Obi-Wan decided it was best to let go. He would have to move forward, instead of brooding on about a ruined birthday.

"Master, let me help you," Anakin said stepping forwards.

"It's okay Anakin, I-"

"Ooops!"

Slip. Crash. Splatter.

"So sorry master," Anakin cried as he jumped off Obi-Wan, who was lying sprawled on the floor.

"Well, there goes the remainder of my cake," sighed the jedi knight, as he watched Anakin unsuccessfully try to wipe the cream off his face.

All the jedi turned their heads as they heard Yoda laughing gleefully from inside the apartment.

"Forgot all your fortune cookie slips you have!" He shouted.

"It's all right, you can keep them," muttered Obi-Wan.

"Sat through and endured the boring council meetings I have for miserable seven hundred years," Yoda continued. "But with the power of the mighty cookies, free I will be."

All the jedi outside in the hallway appeared completely baffled as the watched Yoda bouncing out the apartment with the slips clutched in his hand.

"What is he doing master?" Anakin questioned.

"It seems the Master Yoda has grown senile from his old age," Obi-Wan replied, shaking his head.

All the jedi scrambled fearfully away from Yoda as he continued to bounce down the hallway, bellowing at the top of his voice.

"Learn the way of the fortune cookies I will," Yoda continued. "Use lottery numbers on back of cookies I must. Retire and live with money I would."

Yoda bounced down the hallway laughing crazily. He then crashed into the wall because he was too busy laughing to pay attention to where he was going.

THE END


End file.
